Like a bimbo

I like to nurture all sides of my personality. I also speak a lot of bullshit and use words like 'nurture'. Sometimes, you have to let the Bimbo in you speak. I let the bimbo in me speak a lot of times. I also let the Bimbo in me make most of my decisions. These decisions lead to fun times.

After you write loaded posts about 'Proving God' and what not, you have to speak like a materialistic, snooty, little bitch too. So, here goes.

Today's post is about the 10 must-haves for all human beings, especially women who don't like their money in their wallets.

1.  Lady Million by Paco Rabanne: The main reason why I have no known criminal records is because I smell like a demi-god. Invest in a good perfume/ cologne and get away with fraud. Dibs on using that for an epitaph!

2. Fedora Hats: Like hats weren't cool enough already, Neal Caffrey on White Collar just made the entire idea edible. Prepare yourself, mankind, I'm going to be wearing hats soon. Only insanely cool people can do hats. Like Top Cat. I saw some great ones at Zara & Forever New in Delhi. Help yourselves.

3. Loafers: Have you got your coloured loafers yet? Apparently its cool if boys wear red loafers this season. I say exploit it,before it becomes scary again. I like green better than red though. Green loafers flip my brain over. Everybody get some. FYI-Moccassins work too. But be warned, I'm going to call you Pocahontas no matter how good they look.

4. Coloured jeans: I always tell myself that its okay that my wardrobe looks like a box of crayons because everybody loves crayons. Not a fan of the skinny, coloured jeans on men but try Navy Blue or Mustard, boys. If you're a girl, I think you should go insane and just buy every colour possible. My favourite is that dull rose colour and green, ofcourse. Mint green.

5. A good phone: I don't know what a good phone is but buy a good one. Maybe an iPhone. What I'm saying is- Don't be a noob like me and keep buying blackberries every year just to stay on BBM. I've had to buy 4 blackberries in 3 years. I have to be on BBM though, because all my bestfriends live in different cities now & I love them and I want to buy disgusting phones so I can text them for free and send them pictures of what I'm shopping for and upload statuses about them.

6. Hobby: Invest in a fucking hobby and don't call it social media, cheapskates. Buy some art supplies, books, a gym membership, swim, dance or something. Just go away and be productive.

7. Haircut: Everybody needs a good haircut, but that's the trickiest thing in the world because great haircuts come at a ridiculous price. Great hairstylists not only cost money, they're also hard to chase. Mine's been out of town for 3 months and I finally had to ditch her and switch. It hurt so bad. There was this time when she had left the salon and moved to a new place and I sent out a literal manhunt until I found her. That's how much I loved my hairstylist. Stupid, arrogant bitch.

8. Satchel: I don't care who you are, all I know is that you need a satchel bag. You know it too.

9. Dog: I want a dog. Mom doesn't want a dog. We're not getting a dog. I'm going to get married and be someone's wife and rule their kingdom and buy seven dogs. 

10.Willy Jeeps: Need that bro. Open-roofed jeeps look like fun and they are a lot of fun, but my dad said that I wasn't a gangster in Punjab and I shouldn't cruise like one. I'm going to marry a gangster in Punjab then. The Willy Jeep will happen. Its pure lust.