Life skills for the ladies

Hello. I'm going to write a Pro-tip series. I think I can write a Pro-tip series if there can be a Lajpat Nagar Pro-tip series. I mean what's up with that? There's only one pro-tip you need with respect to Lajpat Nagar- Leave. For the uninformed, Pro tips are those really cool poster tips that started with BroTip and HoeTip. Then facebook's new photo sharing fad decided we needed DPS tips, Hyderabad Tips, Delhi Tips & so on and so forth. This is only with respect to my specific timeline. I'm sure there are more annoying & relevant ones in your facebook galaxies.

So here are my Pro-Tips:

 #1 Stop giggling, ladies. Stop giggling unnecessarily. Stop giggling at everything men say. It makes life hard for the genuine ones. It also distorts their perception of womankind and you are responsible for that.

 #2 Don't try to get Men to pay for everything. If you can't afford it, don't eye it. If he's not your husband, he doesn't owe you gifts. You're just giving him leverage for any future fiascos.

 #3 Read good books & watch good movies. Try to not base your life on Twilight. Books bring substance. Pick up Pride & Prejudice instead.

 #4 Listen, I've heard all about how all of you are fantastic cooks but I don't think I've ever eaten such fabulous food at anyone's house. That's why we're always chilling at cafes, right? Don't pretend to be a domestic goddess. If he's marrying you because you promise to be a Nigella Lawson in the making, he's not worth it anyway. The solution is to promise your trusty house-help as part of the dahej.

 #5 Be self-sufficient. Everybody likes a damsel in distress but don't actually be one. What if you actually get into serious distress & there's no hero around? Know your basics: Be well-educated, know how to drive, know the safe hang-out places, always know who's your ride back, keep the best take-out menus etc. If you really must do the Damsel-in-distress act, use your natural flaws to that advantage. For example- I am an accident waiting to happen. 2 years- 2 broken wrists & the same knee cap dislocated twice. So I have to genuinely, honestly be walked across the road, up the stairs, around slippery floors etc. Advantage your flaw, ladies. Although I've been told by the parents that if I break another bone, they won't take me to a doctor or get me medical help. So I have to be ridiculously careful now, because that's a legitimate warning this time.

#6 Attention isn't important. Think about it. It doesn't earn you money. It doesn't help your career and it doesn't help you snag Gerard Butler. These are my life goals. If being an attention-whore is in line with your goals, go ahead. Like if you want to be a B-grade Bollywood starlet or an MTV VJ, please go ahead with that life. Otherwise, try and be yourself. Life is more comfortable that way.

#7 Never date anyone who treats you less than you deserve to be treated. If you're used to a certain level of graciousness, maintain it. The only one who can lower your standards is you.

#8 Grooming. Just cover your basics, girls. KNAIMEAN? Hygiene, cleanliness, regular maintenance. Smell good. Brush your hair etc. Know your procedures.

#9 EMOSHUNS: Shun those emotions. Nobody needs to know that you're psychotic. Save the full disclosures. Everyone is allowed one terrifying & possessive act. Get yours over with, as soon as possible. Be chill, bro. Indifference rattles up the men.

#10 Be fun. I don't mean Vodka fun. I mean real fun. Be good at conversation and verbal volleyball. Get a hobby. Go bowling. Watch a sport. Please actually know your sport though. Dont "OMG, that team with Cristiano Ronaldo" please. Diversify, my friend. Hold your own. Until later -Your Internet Mom