The Great Indian Sell-out

Hello there, regular munchkins & equally lovely new readers. I hope the New Year celebration hangover is sorted because I'm about to tell the story of the average Indian sell-out. I love that we love New Years & Christmas and even Halloween and that we embrace all these festivals with so much shiny mall-time enthusiasm. Personally, I don't let go of any opportunity to celebrate stuff. Now that I live in South India, I go around eating food off leaves for a premium price on Onam too. Festivals are just bubbly little days of union and joy. I like it.

Indians have so many festivals with so many enchanting stories behind them, that it just gets me riled up when we abandon our own celebrations in favour of western revelries that we know nothing about. How many of us know what Thanksgiving is really about? Or the ridiculously borrowed Tomatina Festival? Didn't we have Holi already? Do we really need a reason to throw tomatoes at each other? Weren't we saving that move for political speeches? I don't know why these things become cool the instant they're adapted from a western context but never "awesome" just because they're not our own desi festivals.

And I'm not saying shun western merrymaking. No sir. Stuff my face with all the plum cake in the world, please. One of my bestfriend's a Catholic and the other a Muslim. I'm stuffing my face with Biryani every Eid and chilling at the German Christmas Market, every December. They both live in London now. Swines. Miss you guys, if you're reading this.

My problem with the Sell-out Indian is when he shuns his own festivals, nay, literally bans his/ her festivals as an environmental hazard or some such pending calamity and then posts pictures of 'Halloween 2011 @ F-Bar :)' No thanks. 

When you call Diwali a massive pollutant and promoter of child-labour and then gush over the annual fireworks at Sydney Harbour, I'm not amused. Annually, they put up a gorgeous spectacle consisting more than seven tonnes of pyrotechnics at the Sydney Harbour alone, on New Years Eve. The London celebrations this year detonated an estimated 30 tonnes of equipment.Those are just the figures for two cities in the world. When Diwali rolls around, suddenly we want to take 'Say No To Firecracker' pledges and celebrate without noise pollution. Are we mentally stunted? Do we lap up all the media drama without a thought? I think the answer is Yes.

Lets talk about Holi. Generations have played Holi with "toxic" colour powder or rang and they seem fine to me. All that dry, herbal rubbish is so silly. If my Holi skin comes off before three days, I'm usually ashamed of myself. That stuff better be hardcore. Like this year, when we used printing ink and then literally peeled our faces off trying to get it off. And water wastage? Don't soak up in tubs or bubble baths either then. Its all wrong. Strangely enough, in a country where people don't have food to eat, we had tried to organize a Tomato-throwing festival inspired from the song in Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara's spanish sequence. FYI- Raw Tomatoes smell gross. I would much rather get lathered in grease and egg than let somebody rub me with Tomato pulp.

How awesome is Dusshera? We stuff three mammoth-sized figures with firecrackers and set them on fire. That is epic. Learn to appreciate the brilliance and fun, instead of taking it for granted.

All of our moral and social conscience shows up to trash our own parties, meanwhile happily promoting and spouting admiration for the same sort of show, elsewhere. Lets learn to think. Lets let our future generations have a fair chance to celebrate their festivals. I want to preserve my culture. And I want my kids to go to Amrita Christina Seth's house for Christmas and Omar Khurshid's house for Eid. But I also want them to burst a tonne of gunpowder laden sky shooters without being made to feel guilty.

Don't be a sell-out to new fads and theories, bro. Its not cool.

 Also, Lohri di lakh lakh vadaaiyan to my punjabi & non-punjabi peeps, in advance. 

The brilliant New Years Eve celebration at the London Eye. Worth a watch.

IN SUPPORT OF AN(N)YONE

This entire Anna Hazare episode has clogged my BBM status, facebook home page and twitter timeline.

One week ago, it looked something like this:

@randomfool: Whoa. Anna is so awesome.

@randomdouche: Uff. Can you stop it with Anna already? I wanna watch MTV Grind

Today:

@randomfail: Anna needs to stop harassing our nation.

@randomdaft: Kiran Bedi Haaye Haaye!

Meanwhile, I havent posted jack on the entire movement because when 100,000 people are taking to the streets, who am I to sit on a leather recliner and tweet from a smartphone. I dont want to dismiss these marches as herd mentality because these kind of struggles also won us the RTI amendments and the Jessica Lall verdict.

I do not support the Jan Lok Pal bill, FYI. I do however appreciate a movement against corruption and against the government.

Anna Hazare isnt holding the nation to ransom. Nobody's forcing these kids to come to the Ramlila grounds and nobody's telling you to watch the news and then crib about how he's overtaken the media.

Yes, this is a highly political movement but it is childish to expect any movement, anywhere in the world, at any point of time in history to be devoid of political overtones. All I'm glad for is that someone is putting the government under pressure.

Why shouldnt the government squirm and squeal under public attack? Why shouldnt they be running for cover?

The privileged may claim that they dont pay bribes but we still have access to VIP benefits, contacts and general luxuries. I havent seen any of you stand at passport offices and RTO's for days without response. I havent seen you tweet about water shortage and electricity failure. We aren't really India. We're the spectators because we dont suffer.

It is easy to hail USA and European countries as settled and sorted leaders but give scathing looks to our own when they jam the roads with candle light vigils. Have you seen the public involvement in above mentioned countries on matters of public interest? These people make the government accountable and active.

I dont think we understand what we have just witnessed. Its not about supporting or condemning 'anshan' or childish methods, its about making an impact. Its about storming the headlines and creating awareness.

Next election, you will not forget the scams and scandals. Public memory will not be shortlived.

Politics has been played with politicians. Perhaps even dirty politics.

I am glad.